Back to School Shopping - OMG

Well back to school time gives me mixed feelings - on one hand I get the joy of sending them off and enjoying a peaceful house, one that is conducive to work. On the other hand back to school brings me closer to the poor house. See in my house we have what I like to call "ticket shoppers" now before you think wow that's great her kids care about prices, think again, some of them are simply the opposite, they want what costs the most. The other day we took Brendan and Logan school shopping, they came because they had to try on pants and their sneakers. We went to Old Navy where they were having a great sale on jeans. So we were able to buy outfits - shirt and pants for $15. And we went to the sporting goods store for their sneakers, Logan knew exactly what ones he wanted, which he was going to have no matter what the cost, luckily they were only $35. They were the easy ones. Today we took the girls shopping and I am getting my migraine headache back just reliving it. Amanda would look at the price tag first just to decide if she liked say a pair of jeans, if they were not at least $30 she did not like them. At the sporting goods store, they had many, many sneakers, she only liked the ones that cost $69 and up, all the others no matter how great they were she did not like them. Even if they were an $89 pair on sale for $50, she would not do it, we would actually have to shell out the money. So an hour and a half later we finally had sneakers for all three girls.

Oh funny story, Dylan has a job as a dishwasher, he got it because the house he was working at doing landscaping was talking to their friends who own a restaurant and they needed a hard worker. So the owner of the restaurant who we did not know showed up in our driveway asking if Dylan would like a job. They only problem was that Dylan never had any intention of getting a job, so he was a little unsure at first. I am sure once he gets his first check he will like it.

So Dylan also went back to the doctors who cleared him for drilling in wrestling practice and weight lifting so our lives have been back down at the club, which by the way has been like a sauna the past few days. So at least 3 nights a week we are at the club from 530 till 830 and we eat dinner very late.

Logans First Movie Theatre Visit

Well Regal has free movies over the summer so now that Logan is five I figured it was his chance to take the movie test. You may wonder what the movie test is. Well ever since, well I have no idea for how long, I have decided that I was never going to bring a child that is to young to the movies. The last thing I am going to do is waste money, and two hours of my time with a whiny or worse yet screaming kid. So we decided to go to the free movie. Now granted the movies are free so they are not current but since they are in the Regal Cinemas you get the movie theater experience - $20 popcorn and soda, and nice rocking and reclining chairs which made me happy. And did you know they have booster seats at the movie theater? I didn't, see I never bring my kids. So we saw the Rugrats Movie. When we started walking into the theater it was very dark and just had the floor track lighting as we made the sharp turn and Logan was scared he said "what is going to happen next" I said nothing there is just going to be chairs to sit in. Logan was better behaved than 99.9% of the kids in the theater. The other .1% of the kids that were better than Logan were my other two kids Brendan and Emily that came with us and that was only because we told them that if they talked during the movie there were never coming again. Apparently they believed me.

Well the kids job is complete, so Dylan, Amanda, Meghan, and David are back to their usual driving me crazy and the begging to sleep over various peoples houses and for things. The kids also think everyone else in the world has it better than them. Right now Dylan wants to buy a hot tub. After some research on line and discovering that your electric goes up quite a bit from a hot tub I told Dylan that he cannot get one unless he gets someone to pay the difference. Now it is not that I am being a bitch but we live in a large home where our bills run around $1,000 in the winter and $250 in the summer so I would notice it when it went up. He is trying to convince me that we are the only family in Burnt Hills that does not have a hot tub and if he does not get one he will not fit in. Then Amanda starts harrassing me about her hair, she just had her haircut about three weeks ago so for my back to school budget I figured she could wait to get hers done, she started complaining about why do the boys get to have theirs done but the girls have to wait saying it was no fair. She is mad because she did not have enought cut off, even though we told her what to say, well she did not listen.

Right now I am sitting on my bed in my 12 x 14 and there are eight people in my room. TJ is sleeping on my floor. Talk about no room at the Inn, and no air to breathe, lol.

Quiet Time and Watering the Trees

Well my house has been really quiet this week. The older kids got a job. Well TJ and Bradley have been working, that's right Bradley got a job at Best Buy. But things have been even better - Dylan, Amanda, Meghan, and David have been working at a house down the street doing some major landscaping and cleaning. They are having a wedding at their house, so they have been working everyday this week. So times have been nice, it has been like having 3 children, imagine that.

It was nice because I have had lots of work to do between grants and Tim has been writing lots of articles. Amanda has been up to her usual stunts, we stepped out yesterday just to get a message from her saying she went out dinner, apparently we were not home to ask permission from. So she got home at 11pm, some dinner. So she is now punished.

We went to the park again today, Logan was our coach again, he got us into a huddle and told us that we were not allowed to scratch, bite, punch or kick, or that's right bite. We played HORSE, Brendan won.

When we got home, Logan must of thought we had a drought because for some strange reason he forgot we had a bathroom and peed on our tree outside. David and Logan raced to our bedroom, David to tell and Logan to deny it.

Welcome to my world.

Mommy Look at my new pets

One that I have learned as a parent, nine times over is that having a five year old is fun. Logan really likes to keep the house going. Over the past few days he has been fighting with Dylan over Cesear, Dylan's Dog. Dylan teases Logan saying that it is his dog and tells him to find his own pet. Well Logan decided to do just that. Later on that night he came into my room while I was sitting on the bed on my computer. He had a bowl and in it was a frog. I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying and he said not understanding him and I said "What honey can you keep your log, sure Logan." and he protested saying nooooo, I said oh "the Saab" he said "NOOOO My RRIBBB IT RIB It" and as he screamed it jumped out of the bowl and next to the bed. Luckily they got it and I explained that if he kept the frog he would kill it and that the frogs family would be sad.

So last night he came in with his new pets. He came in with his sundae cup from McDonalds and in it he proudly showed me and Tim. "Look at my pets a mosqeeeetoe and bawth" We looked and indeed he had a mosquito and moth in the cup. Now he has been trying to collect more to help them have a family.

I have also discovered that David can be evil. He took the squirt gun and filled it with syrup and was chasing Brendan and Logan and shooting them. They were covered and crying. What an evil little brat. So David spent most of the afternoon cleaning up the backyard, and syrup is not easy to clean up.

Today some of the kids are up the street, bet they will come home real happy. Someone called looking for some kids to do some yard work, we volunteered some and they will be moving rocks.
Well if anything they will come home nice and tired, Mission accomplished.

Trampoline - Oh No

Well Tim is on his way to Walmart to purchase a trampoline. We told the kids they could have one if they did all of the following: clean the whole house including closets, laundry room, bedrooms (even under beds), mud room, and even the garage. Well and guess what, they did it. We had promised it thinking they would never do it in a million years. Well they shocked the heck out of me, and Tim. So now we are keeping our end of the bargain. Now let's just keep our fingers crossed that none of them break any bones on it.

And on another note I made it through kids choice dinner week. We are back on parents choice so last night we had lasanga. Amanda begged us for it, and promised us she would make it. But when we got home with it she decided to play oh dumb blonde one and forgot how to make it so we ended up coming down to made it. Of course she was on Facebook telling her friends that she just made lasagna, yeah right.

We have wrestling and weight lifting tonight but I will be back, as I am sure there will be a story to tell about putting the trampoline together that will start something like this...... How many Clarke's does it take to put a trampoline together?

So the answer to that question is it takes 7 Clarke's. It was Dylan and the rest of the them fooling around with it trying to get it together and Tim had to go out and read the directions for them. They all thought they could put it together without reading the directions.

And the first one to cause injuries is the one who was not supposed to be on the trampoline at all, you know him as Dylan, we know him as stupid Dylan because he never, ever listens to us. He wanted to know why he could not jump on it we told him, duh because he has a broken back. And of course he was right back out there hurting everyone else. See why I did not want to get a trampoline.

Luckily we had wrestling and weight training, so halfway through trampoline demolitions Emily, Meghan, Amanda, and Dylan we left so that ended the injuries for the day. Bradley had work so we had some quiet.

Oh did I tell you about Bradley's new play toy, oh I mean energy zapper. He bought that surround sound system that he just had to have so now he is down to very little money and he just started at Best Buy. That is the best part he got a job doing something he loves. He gets to talk and get people to buy things they really don't need. Hell he is an expert at it, he does it to himself all the time. He is great at the limited time offers you know when something is on sale so you have to have it now. You watch he will be a pro.

And TJ is taking his ASVAP test next week for the Airforce and having his physical. We still have mixed feelings about him deciding to join, but he is 20, so we don't have much of a choice. He says he wants to do something different. I suggested going away to college but that didn't seem to strike a chord. So we are going to do what all good parents do support him in public and bitch in private.

Well I gotta go and write some articles. Have a good night. See you next time.

Hotel Jacuzzi and Cows

So the weekend was great and I learned alot. Friday was our 21st wedding anniversary and my birthday. How old you ask? Never mind. Friday we went our shopping for the perfect anniversary presents. Tim went looking for a ring for me and he discovered that you cannot walk into a jewelry store and ask for a particular size ring. And I got him a new desk and office chair which he took as an insult. I thought he would be more comfortable doing he work. He said well would you be more comfortable doing your work with a new vacuum? Ok well now I get the point but it seemed like the perfect gift to me.

We left the kids home alone on Saturday night and Tim and I went away, really far, like 14 miles away to a hotel with a jacuzzi tub, a suite. And we ate out for Friday night at Applebee's, Saturday lunch at Chili's and Saturday night at Tuscans Grille, well we pair for food poisoning. We were both soooo sick by Saturday and Sunday night it was not even funny, we were practically fighting over the bathroom.

We also got a disturbing call from the kids early on Saturday within hours of our arrival from Emily. Brendan had gotten stung by a bee, in all places on the tip of his nose. And Logan had to call us ever at least 20 minutes because he missed us. I ended up giving him them the hotel phone number because they were using up all my minutes on my cell phone number. And heck might as well make the most of the room, right?

The jacuzzi tub in the room was great, we spent most of our time in there, matter of fact, I think in a former life that I was a mermaid, maybe Tim was a merman, sexy eh? We would be the only Mer couple with so many mer children swimming around populating the ocean.

Seriously, I would stay in the jacuzzi until I was ready to pass out, then I would get out until I felt okay again then I was like "You wanna go back in?" and Tim was like "Sure"

On Sunday we woke up early just to go down and get breakfast which was simply a waste of time, the baseball team, and ladies bingo team apparently beat us to it, we were left with what everyone else did not want. So we went back to the jacuzzi until 11am, check out time.

When we got home it was off to the fair as we promised the kids. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it because my sickness had all of the sudden gotten worse. But I had promised and if you have kids and you promise them something......... well you know what happens. So we went to the fair. Same old same old, saw some pigs, cows, and horses. Logan was afraid of most of them so he petted the back end of a big old cow, and said aaaaah to some baby pigs and then he wanted to eat. Because he is like most 5 year old boys he really did not go to the fair to see the animals he wanted to go because he thought we were going to buy him something to eat. Since we were both feeling sick though he was in for quite a disappointment. So we did what every parent does when they have a screaming 5 year old in the back of the van we went through McDonalds drive thru.

I spend the rest of the day in bed. Tim was the best he made the kids leave me alone. Which was wonderful.

Well thanks for checking in............

Happy Birthday To Me and Happy Anniversary To Us

Well today is my birthday, do I have to say how old? Ok, twist my arm, I am 41. I know that sucks. It is also our 21st anniversary, that's right I got married on my birthday. 21 years ago I was young, 20 years old, and it started off as a sunny July day. Right after we got married and boarded the limo it started hailing, that's right in July. I guess that should have been a sign that I would have 9 kids that would drive me crazy a good portion of the time.

We had a bad storm yesterday afternoon that knocked our power out, talk about fun - 9 sweaty bored kids, in a house where there is nothing to do and it is getting dark. We all try to find flashlights and there are none because of course they have used them to play games with. So we are forced to use the headlights of remote control cars as lights. We had to drive 15 miles away to pick up dinner at McDonalds and they had a picnic outside. It was getting dark and the mousquitoes were also very hungry, so we covered ourselves with bug spray. Most of us sat in the van with the windows down. After we were done eating we went inside trying to find a laptop that still had power left to watch a movie and even trickier make it around the house and find a movie with what little light we had. It is amazing how hard it is to find your way around your house in the dark. So we find a movie 27 Dresses and decide to watch it. The boys and Amanda decide they are leaving they go down to the movie theatre to watch a movie.

The power was out for about 7 hours and all of our food in the refrigerator went bad. Luckily it was at the end of the week but still everything in the refrigerator went bad. So this morning I have the wonderful task of cleaning our the refrigerator. Actually I am going to get one of the kids to do it because after all today is my birthday and mine and Tim's anniversary so I don't want him to do it.

We are planning of escaping either tommorrow or next weekend. We are going really far away 15 miles away to a hotel that has a jacuzzi tub and a king sized bed. Really we just want 24 hours away from 9 children.

To be Continued........

Night Owls

My kids are driving me crazy. If there is one thing I hate it is being woken up in the middle of the night. And for some reason that seems to be happening alot lately. Last night we stayed up late trying so we decided to write some articles. Tim was working on a letter of inquiry and I wrote a few articles one jock itch, one on ear infections in dogs, and another on a career working in a deli. I know they sound lame, but they are assigned to me, I don't pick the subject matter. So anyways I didn't go to sleep until around 130am.

At 230am Bradley comes in the room with his laptop to show us something he had found on the cleaning service we used to own. Now I haven't cleaned a house in almost a year, and he comes across a review of our service and thinks that 230am is the perfect time to read it to us. We kick him out of the room and attempt to go back to sleep. Then I hear them talking and Tim has to go and tell them to go to bed.

They all have their sleep patterns messed up they sleep during the day and stay up all night. I do not even want to see the electric bill.

Oh yesterday, the kids scared the heck out of me. I was trying to get some work done. I had a big deadline. My boss was going to be calling and I had some work I had to get done for her. Well all of the sudden we here Emily and Logan screaming running towards our door, saying that Logan had a stick stuck in his eye. We were almost afraid to open the door. I was afraid to look. All I could picture was a big stick stuck in his eye hanging there dragging behing them. Yuck! Okay maybe to much drama but you get the point. It was the smallest black dot in the the corner of this eye.

Oh and Amanda tried to get us to let her boyfriend go on vacation with us again. We told her it wasn't appropriate. She said that all of her friend family's let their boyfriends go on vacation with them. We said we never pretend nor are everybody else's family's. She said what do you think we are going to have sex or something? We just glanced at each other and said, yup that is exactly what we are afraid of so there now you know so stop bothering us.

Friday is going to be mine and my husband's 21st anniversary so I have been doing some reflecting on the past 21 years. I was thinking of something kind of funny today, about food of all things. Over the years, both of us have changed our food likes both changing to be more like the other in our food likes. For example, I used to hate Chinese food, now I will eat it. And now my husband eats his egg rolls with a knife. I have corrupted him. Tim used to like plain spaghetti sauce, I mean really plain, now he likes most chunky styles. He also used to swear up and down that he hated cheese cake, well now he likes it.

Time is funny it changes people and makes them more similar. Tim and I have become more and more alike the longer we are married. Gees one of these days I am going to wake up and wear the pants.

Day at the Circus

There are some days that seem to flow by and others where I feel like Tim and I are the ringleader in a very dangerous circus. Today was one of those days. The day started out kind of early, Logan's speech teacher was coming over, and Dylan had his root canal appointment. So Tim brought Dylan to his appointment and I stayed home. I had to stay home because I had a meeting with my boss via phone. See my job is full time and I do it from home, I am a grant writer. Everything that could be going wrong with my job was. The concept paper I had worked on with my boss that was near completion was getting edited left and right by the client, it was crazy. So I was on and off the phone and on the Internet the entire day. I was trying to keep the kids quite while the teacher was here. I was texting back and forth with Tim, it was crazy already and little did I know the day had not even begun. And it was David's 15th birthday. He was sleeping, he has this knew thing staying up all night playing playstation and sleeping all day, or waking up grouchy.

Logan came in at one point to interupt with something cute. He sat down next to us and said he wanted to be a knight, a knight in shining armor.

I spent most of the afternoon on the phone with my boss. As soon as I got off the phone we were ready to leave to sneak out and run up to Walmart get David's new bike, we were going to surprise him. Bradley wanted to go. So were were already to go and Bradley can't access his shoe's. Apparently, he has mysteriouly locked the door to his room and can't get in. And somehow the key to his room is inside. It turns out he put an exterior door lock on his bedroom door. So it is getting late and we want David to get a chance to ride his bike today, and now we have to help Bradley. They were trying everything to get in. Tim ended up taking off the molding and picking the lock with a butter knife. So finally we leave and get to Walmart and get the bike as well as a new outfit for him.

So we surprise David with the new bike, he is happy, for David that means a 2 second smile. We tell everyone we are leaving David asks where we are going, we say comeone we are going out to eat to Outback. He didn't realize we were taking him out to eat. So we tell the waiter it is his birthday and David gets all stressed out and doesn't want to be sung to so we have to tell the waiter not to sing to him. While at the restaurant we get a text message from Amanda saying that Bradley is a psycho path and that he is fighting with Logan and trying to beat him up. Now can you picture the circus ring number 1 in your mind? Ring 3 we are eating, ring 1 is Bradley chasing Logan and ring 2 is the rest of them chasing each other fighting over I don't know maybe fish sticks because that is what their meal was for tonight, that was Logan's choice. As I understand it he was a great Chef, Emily was his assistant.

So we get home and it is dark David wants to ride around for a bit on his bike we make him come in and it is time for cake and ice cream and we have to eat again. Talk about living in a circus act, and talk about being full.

Something else funny I was thinking about today, I and many women seem to have double standards for men and women that act like jerks. Today when we were driving home from the restaurant we were past on a double line, both of us called the guy a dick head, but where I thought about it I had to laugh. I laugh because that does not bother Tim. But now I would never call a female who drives like that a female body part. Let's think about that for a moment - Hey you stupid vagina head, or worse yet you p word. I could never do it. It is just one of those funny things in life.

Well gotta write an article or two, have a good night, come back again soon.

Michele - aka the Ring leader.

Little Pink Box

I feel sorry for my husband he gets to live in a house with 4 girls, well I guess he is lucky he has 6 sons and 3 daughters cause I cannot imagine if we had 6 daughters. Our daughters are funny because they don't care who is around when they talk about their period it was as if they were talking about what they had for dinner last nite. Gees today we were sitting on our bed on our laptop when Amanda comes in and says that she wants one of my pads. Here Tim is sitting here and we are arguing about pads. I tell her there are pads in the bathroom she walks over to my dresser opens it up and takes one out. I just started buying those new expensive pads and now thinks I am going to buy them for her, I don't think so. She also doesn't care if her boyfriend knows about her period. What ever happened to the days when you would hide it from your guys?

So I had a lot of articles to write today and we promised the kids a trip to the lake so Tim got stuck taking part of them. He took the 3 girls, Amandas boyfriend, and Logan and Brendan. They packed a lunch and went there for about 5 hours. They came home early because mother nature decided to pay Amanda a visit and brought her the little pink box. But I guess she didn't like the brand she brought her because she needed one of mine, lol.

Today was also day 2 of kids choice dinner week. Bradley and Meghan worked together in making Tacos and spanish rice. Luckily for Meghan she is gifted in the brain department because she is not in the kitchen. She called me down to say that she could not get all the rice to turn brown in the rice e roni. So as you can imagine some were close to black. They hired an assistant and had Dylan chopping tomatoes and lettuce. Tim and I decided we wanted Italian and we went out to the local restaurant. Great choice on our end. I don't like tacos that much.

Well time to go back to work.

Kid Week - Family Dinner - OMG

My husband and I decided to try something completely new and different this month. Well with 9 kids we are sick and tired of trying to come up with what we are going to have for dinner each night and hearing the same thing every night. "Why do we always have to have ......., I hate ........" So we decided that we would have kid choice week. This week happens to be that week. The kids each choose a dinner so for the next 8 nights we are having what the kids have chosen. Tonight it was Dylans turn. Of course there is one catch, especially for the older kids. They have to make the meal. Dylan chose to have hot turkey sandwiches. He had to make the meal. Each one had to give us a grocery list of what items they needed. Dylan yelled down to us to come and serve because in his mind that is not his job. Now he had a real tough job, all he did was heat up the gravy, and put the fries in the oven and take them out. He did not make any vegetables with it so we had hot turkey sandwiches and fries. We got stuck making the plates. When TJ found out that they have to make the meals they chose he is having second thoughts. He chose Philly Cheese Steaks, he was like well I would of picked something else if I knew we had to make it, I was like yeah what like peanut butter and jelly.

Tomorrow we are going to the beach. Right now it is 11pm and I am still trying to get Logan to go to sleep right now he is crying in my room, and we are threatening him saying that he has 5 minutes to go to sleep or no beach. I will let you know tomorrow if he gets stuck staying home with Bradley or not. Tomorrow it is just Tim and I taking the girls, Amandas boyfriend and Brendan and Logan. The rest of them cannot go simply because they do not fit in the car. They are mad because Amanda's boyfriend is going. He has to go because we have to supervise them together. Of course I feel bad, okay maybe a little.

Well good night everyone. Tomorrow will be more exciting.

Viagra Ice Pops on Sale Aisle 10

We were shopping in our local grocery store filling up our carts, and I thought I heard my husband say the funniest thing. I could have sworn he said "Oh look Viagra ice pops", I just look at him smiling and said "What?" He was wondering what I was smiling at after all what is there to smile at in a grocery store. We both got a good laugh out of that one.

Remember how I said that 16 year old girls were put on Earth to simply drive their parents mad, well today was another one of those days. Amanda decided that today was her day to age us at least 10 years of course little did she know she would be having tough competition from Bradley and TJ, you know the two oldest that you think would be the best behaved, think again.

TJ decided to hit us with a grand slam last night. He came in looking like he had swallowed a canary, wait maybe more like a hawk. We could tell he wanted to tell us something. Well since he is 20 years old and has a girlfriend, I thought he was going to say something like he wanted to get married or his girlfriend was pregnant, but no instead he told us he wants to join the Air Force. Now keep in mind this is a kid that has no entrance to his room, instead of an entrance there is a trail leading to his bed. He also has a beard and mustache and longish hair. So my first comment in shock was "Are you nuts, do you know what that means?"

Bradley meanwhile, you know still jobless, has sold his I-phone and his pants are on fire, and the money is flying out. He is now selling his computer which is just sold earlier today.So life according to Bradley..... So now that I am unemployed and have $500 in my pocked. Being Bradley and completely irrational like I normally am, I want to buy a surround sound system. I don't understand why my mom and dad are busting my balls on such a needed item.

So to top off the family today - 16 year old girls simply drive their parents nuts, 20 year olds have no clue about life, and 18 year old males live only in the moment, not even in the next day.
And all 5 year olds want to do is go to the park, every single day. Oh and Logan, as in the 5 year old, also thinks he should have a cell phone.

Hot Camaro's and Indoor Pools

Today started off kind of late for me, I decided to get up last night cause I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote an article on great places to take your kids in Las Vegas at 3am. Amanda who is 16 going on 27, and is destined to make my life a living hell, had her boyfriend over so the very first thing I see when I walk downstairs is the two of them cuddling on the couch. Just what a mother wants to see, after watching tv shows like “16 and Pregnant”. I decided to be the angelic wife that I always am, right, and I made my husband breakfast in bed. Now before you think I am just like the best thing since sliced bread let me tell you what I made him. I made him fried eggs and left over pancakes which I fried in butter. Somehow we ran out of bread, stranger things have happened when you have 9 kids in the house. Now the pancakes were left over from dinner which he made for dinner last night. I came upstairs and flopped down on the bed next to my husband who wanted to know where my breakfast was, I told him I wasn’t hungry, I was to tired to be hungry. He has to top my breakfast and make me a bowl of cereal.

Before long the natives were restless they wanted to play at the park, which sounded pretty funny to me. So apparently Tim and I have short term memory loss because we let David go with us again after his behavior last time. So we all decide to play basketball and play the game HORSE. Somehow they decided to be nice to the crazy old lady and let me win. Next we played a game and the real animal mentalities came out. I was checking the ball and Meghan attacked me clawing at my face, Tim yelled “blood”, “foul”, and I the lucky old lady who was practically crying got to shoot from the foul line, and by making the first basket we won the game and I was put out of my misery. Logan, my sweet, baby, escorted me to the bathroom to clean up my war wounds, says “mommy, what happened” I told him Meghan did it. He said “I knew she was evil”. At the park David was running around like he was possessed. He ran around calling all his sisters and brothers names, wetting the slide and pushing them down, hogging the swings, and just driving me mad. I felt like dropping to my knees and asking god, why I deserved this. All the other family’s children were all well behaved, and we looked like the rat pack. As it was we only had 5 of the kids with us, so I wasn’t sure why we would stick out, so what if we had 2 1/2 times more kids then anyone else. But did our kids have to act like psycho paths too?

On the way home we threatened to make many drop off points “One more incident David, and I will stop this car and you will walk home.” Luckily for him, he made it home on all 4 wheels. On our way home though, we pass the rest of the crew waving frantically to us. I am not sure where they expected us to put them. Let me see 7 passenger mini van, with 7 people inside, where are the 4 people on the side of the road going to go, not in our car, so we past. As soon as we past, Bradley calls me on the phone, wondering why we did not pick them up and wanting to tell us what happened.

Apparently his on again off again girlfriend, who is currently off was playing games again and this time was either A. trying to make him jealous or B. trying to kick his ass. The one that was going to either make him jealous or kick his ass was a girl dressed up like a boy. She wanted Bradley to meet him by the lake just with the younger kids, Bradley who obviously had some sense about him brought his brother with the broken back, his younger sister, and her boyfriend. Whatever the plan was it didn’t work, and I am not sure what the latest status is.

We got home and realized that a pack of rats had visited our home and had eaten all the food, we had to go shopping again. So we made a list of the usual items rats eat - milk, cereal, ice cream, chips, you know the eating habits of hungry rats.

We pulled into the grocery store and it was difficult finding a place to park our

car, there was a very hot car taking up 2 spots, obviously the owner did not know that old crappy Camaro’s are out of style and certainly not worthy of 2 spots. In a normal story this would be a case of foreshadowing.

So we go around the aisles picking up all the food that rats like to eat and I feel like we are against all odds everyone is going the opposite direction as us in the aisles and everyone is the most important shopper there. Talk about aisle hoggers, and they were all deaf because if you said excuse me, it was ignored.

We hurry to make it to one register with no one in line, as people come through the line the wrong way saying nasty things about the cashiers, young men saying “I’ll show her my dick, I am sure she’ll like that” and they push their way past us. Now let me just say that if they were my children they would have bubbles coming out of their mouths for days, not to mention a sore ass. We just happened to be walking behind them on the way out of the store as well. The group was with their grandmother and they were dropping the F bomb like it was a bad rendition of Scarface. I had all I could do not to adopt them for 5 minutes just to give them some good old fashioned parenting. As they walked out the door, Tim and I looked at each other and at the same time said “dirt bags”. And guess what? They were the rightful owners of the hot Camaro. You know the old piece of shit of course.

So we get home and apparently we have moved out to the arc. Because in the process of Amanda deciding to make a Hot Pocket Dylan is asked to fix the circuit breaker and we discover that we now live on water. Our basement had at least 2 feet of water in it. I guess our property value just went up because we now have an indoor pool. Ok kids get your bathing suits, let’s go for a swim. And Tim baby we can go skinny dipping in the moonlight.

So dinner comes around at 10pm, who says we have to be like the Jones. Hell we have 9 kids we do everything different. Now it is midnight and I am going to write one more article and go to sleep, I hope unless something else exciting happens. Thanks for reading, see you tomorrow.

Queen of Beating Around the Bush

If there is one thing that I have learned as a parent it is this: That all 16 year old girls are in existence simply to drive their parents mad. And that my daughter Amanda is the master at the technique matter of fact I think she holds classes in her bedroom in secret sessions. I can see it now throngs of girls huddled to hear her every word. Our daughter is a diva and master of deception. She also is a twister of words she is a great creator of the Dad said or Mom said just to try to seal a deal. You the know the deals that would never mass muster had both parents been present.

And my husband thinks I am the Queen of Beating around the Bush. I had to laugh last night when he called me that. We were laying in bed and I realized that the hallway light was on. I said “Now what are we going to do the hallway light is on and I cannot reach it” You know how it is the hallway light is on a pull string, one of those pull strings that has slowly faded away so little ole 5’4 me can no longer reach it. So my husband rolls out of bed and turns off the light. He returns to bed and asks me if I am watching TV which I am. When I am done, I realize that I cannot find the remote. I say “what am I gonna do I don’t know where the remote is to turn off the tv?” My husband gives a groan and says “ You are the queen at beating around the bush why don’t you just ask me to turn off the tv and the light?” Of course my husband is King of the Bush.

So we have a house of royalty to match the indoor pool. Oh did I mention we have Sir Squirrels that come and pay a visit every once in a while we have the perfect answer for. We are establishing a relocation program for squirrels. You see the story is kind of funny. We have a chandelier in the kitchen and one day I come out and I notice a piece of bread near one of the lights. Naturally, I assume that it is David and that he was throwing food. We have him in the kitchen cleaning high and low. Two days later the same thing happens. This time I am really mad, so mad I am ready to put David in a relocation program. Well funny thing, it wasn’t David at all. Next morning I come stumbling into kitchen in an early morning stumble looking for a drink and I come eye to eye with Sir Squirrel, I scream, he screams and we both run. Guess where he was at first, on the chandelier. So we are setting up a trapping system with operation Park Rescue where we are going to trap the squirrels and drop them off at the park. Now if this does not work, it is death row. Sorry you furry tailed friends.

Logan was doing some cleaning today of his closet and he comes out with a bag of his and Brendan’s clothes and he says “Mom, Dad these are your clothes from 1899, and some of mine from when I was 2 from 1990.” OMG talk about funny.

Something else I learned today is that boys are created with way to much testosterone, to the point where it is driving me crazy. I cannot even count the number of times on my fingers, how many fights broke out with the boys today, must have been "fighting in the air", good thing they all wrestle.